Thursday, January 31, 2013

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Sometimes, it's not so much what kids are saying but rather what they're doing. Here are some funny things I've watched kids do.

November 19, 2012

A fourth grade boy fist bumped me in the hall. He stuck his fist out and nodded, so I went with it. Naturally, I added the customary post-fist-bump explosion (complete with sound effect) but he didn't. He's got a lot to learn.

November 8, 2012

While in a third grade class, a boy asked for my help. I leaned over his desk in order to explain something to him. I was mid-sentence when he coughed. He didn't cover his mouth. Oh, and he spit a little when he coughed. So a kid coughed and spit directly into my mouth.

October 24, 2012

A new math equation I discovered: very short teacher + shirt with sequins + kindergartener = boob grab

September 17, 2012

It didn't take long to discover that no matter how many times you tell a kindergartener (and sometimes older children) to draw a pair of scissors it will look like a penis 98% of the time.

An Overdue Update

Sorry I haven't updated the quotes in a few days but I've been pretty busy! I have been keeping track of quotes in a notebook to avoid forgetting any of them.

January 31, 2013
1st Grade Girl: Oh, I thought we had guidance today.
Me: Nope. Spanish.
...later in class...
Her: I'm a little sad.
Me: Why?
Her: I don't want to hurt your feelings. OK, now don't be upset but I just really want to have guidance. (She then grabbed my arm in a concerned manner) But don't worry, it'll be OK.

January 29, 2013
First Grade Boy: You know so-and-so in my class? He's actually starting to be real mean to other kids. He called a girl a b-u-t-t hole. That's not a word for school.
Kindergarten Boy: Your hair is magic.
Me: How do you say "it's hot" in Spanish?
Kindergarten Boy: It's hot means the thermometer goes way, way up.
Kindergarten Boy: My eyes are on my face.
Kindergarten Girl: Everyone's eyes are on their face...unless you don't have eyeballs.

January 30, 2013
Fourth grade and fried chicken...
Boy 1: Do you think they make a scented pencil that smells like fried chicken?
Me: I have no idea. Probably.
Boy 2: If my mom had let me I would've worn my shirt that says "I love fried chicken" today.
Boy 1: I wore this shirt.

Bigfoot and the boy with the fried chicken shirt...
Boy: How do you say "bigfoot" in Spanish?
Me: I'm not sure. Probably just Bigfoot because it's a name. But I'm not sure they have the legend of Bigfoot in Spanish speaking countries.
Boy: They should. He's real. I've seen him.

A kindergartener explains his family...
Boy: My mom has 1,000 kids.
Me: That's a lot.
Boy: Yea, but she can't fit them all in the car. That's why they live at home.

A third grade girl is afraid of missing me...
Her: I'm going to miss you Miss Black.
Me: Are you moving away?
Her: No, I mean in the summer. I'm going to Texas [I forget all the other things she said she is going to do over the summer].
Me: But then you'll be back here in August.
Her: Maybe in the fourth grade.
Me: Well, let's hope so.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

January 23, 2013

Crazy conversations with first graders...
Girl: I know how to say hola in Spanish. It's hola. Dora taught me that.
Boy 1: Dora doesn't know everything.
Girl: Yea, but she knows a lot. Do you know how to say hand in Spanish?
Me: How?
Girl: I don't know.
Me: It's mano.
Girl: Oh, like mono. It rhymes. Like cute and dute.
Me: Umm, yea. It does rhyme.
Girl: I can speak monkey. (She starts making monkey noises)
Boy 2: I can speak whale.
Me: Why am I here if you guys already speak all these different languages?
Boy 3: I can be a wolf. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Girl: I can laugh like a hyena!

A first grade girl noticed my head congestion...
Girl: You sound snotty.
Me: I feel snotty.
Girl: I'm snotty. And coughy.

Waiting for dismissal with kindergarteners...
Boy 1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes, I do. Why?
Boy 1: I don't know. Some people don't have boyfriends.
Me: Well I haven't had him long; he's a new boyfriend.
Boy 2: How old is he? You have to be 16 or 17.
Me: He's 29.
Boy 2: Well, you have to be 17.
Me: I'm 27 so I think we're good.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

January 22, 2013

The purple streaks in my hair are still getting interesting reactions! Here is an exchange I had with a fifth grade girl this morning...

Girl: I like your purple streaks. When a teacher dyes their hair anything other than brown or black...or red...or blonde, they aren't really a teacher anymore.
Me: Well I put purple streaks in my hair back in October, so...
Boy: You don't dye hair blonde, you bleach it. There's a difference.

Monday, January 21, 2013

January 18, 2013

There weren't a lot of memorable quotes on Friday, but I did debut the fresh purple streaks in my hair which blew all the kids' minds. I think it makes me a rock star or something.

Discussing my hair with a third grade boy...
Boy: Is that a weave?
Me: No.
He looks at me with a doubtful expression so I lift up my hair to prove it it in fact, not a weave.
Boy: Aw it ain't a weave!

What's my age again? A kindergarten boy asks about my age (twice)...
December 4, 2012
Boy: Hey guess what? You're young!
Me: How do you know? You don't know how old I am. How old do I look?
Boy: You look like you're about eight.
Me: Touché.

December 7, 2012
Boy: Guess what? You still look like you're eight!
Me: Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot. You do realize that eight year olds are kids in the second grade, right?
Boy: Yep. And you look eight.

December 5, 2012 Another classic kindergarten question...
Kid: Is your name Miss Señorita Black because you're black?
Me: Do I look black?
Kid: No.

December 7, 2012 Random comments throughout the day...
First Grader: How do you say Taylor Swift in Spanish?
Third Grader: Miss Black, I'm wearing leather!
Kindergarten Class: Thanks for the goma! Thanks for the papel! We're using tijeras!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

January 17, 2013

Today in kindergarten I had several cute comments from the little boy who has given me pages from a coloring book to "color at home"...
Me: How do you say "it's windy" in Spanish?
Class: Hace viento.
Boy: Oh no, my kite fly away!

Boy: My gonna close my eyes and pretend you doing magic...(closes his eyes and gasps)...Oh! You doing magic!

An excellent question from a first grade girl...
Girl: Is that a bad word?
Me: What?
Girl: Sexy lady.
Me: Well, it's not appropriate for school.

December 19, 2012     It must've been "Show Miss Black Some Love" Day...
Kindergartener: Wait! Hug! You can't leave without a hug!
First grader: I want to hug you forever! I'm never letting go!

December 10, 2012     While in a particularly trying fifth grade class...
Boy: Just so you know, I'm loud in your class because you're awesome. I'm loud in most awesome classes.

December 10, 2012     Fitness discussion between two second grade boys...
Boy 1: My dad's trying to get a six-pack.
Kid 2: Why?
Kid 1: To show my mom.
Kid 2: Has she never seen a six-pack?
Kid 1: I guess not.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

January 16, 2013

It was a fairly eventful day, so let's get started.

Fifth Grade Comparison: Spanish v. Guidance...
Me: I'm only here for 30 minutes and then you all have guidance.
Student Responses
  • I wish you could stay the whole time. We hate guidance.
  • She shows us a PowerPoint with like this many (arms wide apart) words on one slide.
  • We sit and act like we're paying attention.
  • See, even the good children don't like it.
My kindergartener who always tells me about his clothes was outside this morning, just touching branches covered in ice...
Boy: Wow. That's cold.
Me: Well, that's how ice works.

Showing a PowerPoint in the fourth grade...
Boy: Here Miss Black, you can use my flash drive if you need to.
Me: I don't need it right now but thank you.

A kindergartener's reaction to the Sesame Street videos Hace Calor and Hace Frio that I showed to his class...
Miss Black, that was so much silly!

Waiting for a first grade class to return from the bathroom...
Girl: This [eraser] is a tattoo maker.

The girl who invented the tattoo maker having a disagreement with another first grade girl...
Girl 1: Your name in Spanish is just your name.
Girl 2: No it's not!
Girl 1: Miss Black, isn't your name in Spanish just your real name?
I shake my head yes.
Girl 1: See that head shake? Ooohhhhh!

Waiting for dismissal with 2 kindergarteners (I should add that the boy frequently does dance moves from Michael Jackson's Thriller after telling me, "I just can't stop doing this!")...
Boy: I don't think Michael Jackson is real.
Me: Well, he is.
Boy: No he's not. And guess what else? I don't believe in God.
Me: I don't know what to tell you because Michael Jackson is real. He's not alive anymore because he died, but he was a real person.
Girl: Really? I had no idea.

This isn't related to things children say, but it is about a teacher and it's hilarious: Check it out!

All Things Christmas

Here are the various Christmas-related things my students said this year:

December 17, 2012: I was walking down the hall when I heard a third grade girl singing...
Girl: Mary did you know...
Other Teacher: Aw, sing it girl!
Girl: That's from a movie. It's called "The Bible"

December 11, 2012: A third grade boy reflects on the holiday season...
Boy: Almost everybody celebrates Christmas.
Me: Yea, most people in the United States do.
Boy: But most people don't know what Christmas really means. It ain't about presents.
Me: What's it about?
Boy: Jesus.

December 4, 2012: A second grade girl realizes something...
Girl: Man, Jesus must've loved Christmas!
Me: You know what, I think he did.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

January 15, 2013

After a second grade class was reprimanded for talking too much...
Girl: I kept telling the American kids to be quiet!
Me: It's always the Americans, isn't it? Always with the talking.
Girl: I know!

After passing out a paper to fifth graders...
Boy: Are these for us to keep?
Me: Yes.
Boy: No, I mean like to keep.
Me: So, yes, I meant keep in the traditional and only definition of the word keep.

Third Grade Comparison: Spanish v. Guidance...
Me: I'm only here for 30 minutes today, then you have guidance.
Response from a number of students:
  • Noooo!
  • We hate guidance!
  • We like Spanish better!
  • Guidance is boring!
  • Don't tell her [the guidance counselor] we said that!

Monday, January 14, 2013

January 14, 2013

Classic Rock in the Fifth Grade...
Boy: How do you say Black Sabbath in Spanish.
Me: That is so not what we are talking about.
Boy: Can you name at least one person from Black Sabbath. It's not a TV show, it's a band.
Me: I know that.

Another Shirt Update in Kindergarten...
Boy: Well, there's nothing on my shirt today. *Backstory: This boy always tells me about all his shirts. Or his hat. Or if he's wearing a belt. Or if his lips are chapped so he bringed Chapstick. I have no idea why I get such a kick out of it.

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword, According to a Third Grader...
Boy: Miss Black, do you know why you should never lose your pen?
Me: No.
Boy: If you lose your pen, you can't take notes. And if you can't take notes, you can't get an education. If you can't get an education then you can't go to college. If you can't go to college then you can't get a good job. If you can't get a good job, you can't get money. If you can't get money then you'll be poor. If you're poor then you can't buy a house and you'll live on the street. And if you live on the street you'll get skinny and die. So if you lose your pen, you'll die.
Me: I could go for the getting skinny part.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

January 12, 2013

There weren't a whole lot of memorable things said in my classes yesterday, but I did go through my Facebook statuses and pull out all the kid quotes I'd ever posted so that eventually they'll all make it on here! So today I'll post a few gems from that list!

January 8, 2013 Discussing behavior with fifth grade...
Me: Who can tell me what it means to think before acting?
Girl: Well, I have an example.
Me: OK, what is it?
Girl: Well, say there's like a box of snakes, you should think before you put your hand in there.
Me: OK...hopefully there will never be a box of snakes in Spanish class because I'll freak out. But in general, I think that not sticking your hand in a box of snakes is a good rule.

December 12, 2012 4th grade boys discussing the upcoming Winter Ball and complaining about no longer being allowed to dress up for the dance. This particular boy wanted to wear a tux...
It's all about the clothes. If you're dressed nice you have a way better chance of a girl asking you to dance.

December 12, 2012 A 2nd grade boy explains religion...
You guys don't know anything about Jesus. You know he died right? He died for us. He jumped out of a helicopter.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

January 10, 2013

Revealing some new posters I'd made to a kindergarten class...
Girl: Aww, how'd you make those, girl?

While counting with first graders...
Boy: Do you really speak Spanish?
Me: Um, yes.

Random tidbits from the beginning of the new year...
Kindergarten Girl: Miss Black! I'm wearing clip-clop boots!

Kindergarten Boy: Here, these [pictures he colored] are for you. And you can color these [uncolored pictures from a coloring book] at home.
Me: So what kind of things would you guys like to learn during this part of the year.
Several 3rd-5th Graders: All the Spanish words.
Me: Oh, is that all?

January 9, 2013

While working with a fourth grade boy, he was so on fire in the hilarious comments department that I had to stop what we were doing in order to grab some paper and start jotting down what he said.

If I become a veterinarian and I'm up all night with a pregnant cow and horse problem, guess what I'll do? I'll just solve the problem and take a nap.

Him: Who's your kid?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Him: You should at least adopt one.
Me: Well, I plan on having kids but I'm not married.
Him: You should try getting married.
Me: It's important to date someone for awhile before you marry them.
Him: How about Mr. Johnson [a para-educator at the school]
Me: I don't know how my boyfriend would feel about me trying to marry Mr. Johnson.
Him: Well, maybe not Mr. Johnson. Sometimes he's kinda...ehh (does the "so-so" motion with his hand)

I wonder what it's like tearing the fabric of the universe...

Do eyes come out? What about a glass eye--does that come out?

I could go for a cheek massage. I wish we had massages in school and then I'd get a free massage.

Discussing appropriate behavior for class with kindergarteners...

Girl: I know what "don't talk back" means.
Me: OK, what does it mean?
Girl: Don't talk back means don't talk back and to not talk back. And then you won't talk back.
Me: Yep. That's pretty much it.

January 7, 2013

Opening car doors during morning car duty...

Kindergartener: Why you wear that scarf?
His Brother (3rd Grade): Because it's cold.
Kindergartener: Oh yea, like Frosty the Snowman.

Discussing "accepting responsibility" with second graders...

Kid 1: If you lie about something, your teacher might call a scientist to do forensics on you.
Kid 2: And take your fingerprints.

A first grader explains why something has the school name on it...

If someone wants to steal our good stuff we have to put Squires on it.

Waiting for dismissal with a kindergartener...

I have a dog that barks like a boy but it's a girl.

Just another day in the fifth grade...

Kid: Do you have any kids?
Me: No I don't.
Kid: You'd make a good mom.
Me: Thank you.
Kid: You should have some kids.
Me: I think I should probably get married first.
Kid: What? Aw man, I thought you were married.
Me: I'm still pretty young.
Kid: I know this is rude, but how old are you?
Me: I'll be 28 in March.
Kid: WHAT? You look way younger than that! You look like you're 21.
Me: I know.
Kid: My dad is 43 but he thinks he's 40.

At Long Last

I've been putting this off for far too long! Ever since I started teaching, I've enjoyed posting silly things my students say and do on my Facebook page. I get a lot of positive feedback about my stories from my friends and people have been telling me to set up some sort of blog for these quotes for quite some time.

The title of this blog comes from my new position at the elementary school level. The majority of my students insist on calling me Miss Señorita Black; it doesn't matter how many times I explain that Señorita means Miss in Spanish, they still call me that. I have to admit, it's pretty cute.

I never post the names of the students I'm quoting. Everything I post is all in good fun. We all know that kids can say some of the funniest things, I'm just taking the time to document them.

My goal with this blog is to post the funny things I hear at the end of every school day (although I'm sure there will be some days where I don't get around to it). I'm not sure if I'll take weekends off or not. I also plan on inserting quotes from the pre-blog days. After all, I've been working with students since the fall of 2009 and I already have a stockpile of classic interactions!