Thursday, February 28, 2013
Reading Huevos Verdes con Jamón...
Kindergarten Boy: Do you want some verde eggs and ham?
First Grade Boy: Why does it say "Poor Dr. Seuss"?
Me: It says "por Dr. Seuss," in Spanish por means by.
For the second day in a row, there has only been one kindergartener waiting with me for dismissal...
Me: I like your necklace.
Girl: My grandma got it for me for my birthday.
Me: When's your birthday?
Girl: July 11th.
Me: Do you remember when my birthday is? *(She asked me about it yesterday)
Me: March 12th. What are you going to get me?
Girl: I don't know where your house is.
Me: You can bring it to school. What are you going to get me?
Girl: I don't know.
Me: A pony? A unicorn?
Girl: Noooo. You can't buy a unicorn. They aren't real.
Me: Are you serious?! Aww man! Do you want to know what I'm doing for my birthday? My boyfriend is taking me to the aquarium so I can meet and hold a penguin.
Girl: My mom won't let me hold a penguin.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Me: ¿Podrías comerlos con una cabra? (Would you eat them with a goat?)
Boy (under his breath): Chupacabra! Chupacabra!
A lot of my students seem to know about the chupacabra. It's a little disturbing, but mostly it's awesome!
A second grader interrupts me to ask an important question...
Girl: Why does everything say "Made in China"?
During dismissal time I was asking a kindergarten girl what her favorite part of school was, then her second favorite, and so on...
Her favorites are: recess, snack, lunch, math, the other recess, something else...
Me: What's your seventh favorite thing about school?
Girl: Spanish class.
Me: Wow! Seventh? Spanish is your favorite after recess, snack, lunch, math, and the other recess? So it's practically your favorite thing.
October 17, 2012 A teacher whose child goes to Squires told me this...
Teacher: I forgot to tell you this, but a few weeks ago, my daughter said, "Mom, have you talked to the principal about the new Spanish teacher?" and I said, "No...why?" And she said, "She's awesome! I am learning so much Spanish!"
October 10, 2012 A nickname from a fifth grade boy...
Boy: See ya, Brosky.
Me: Did you just call me Brosky?
Me: OK...just checking.
October 2012 A fifth grade boy found out that I am familiar with the cartoon "Adventuretime" and Internet memes. I guess that makes me pretty cool because he kept trying to suggest that we hang out sometime outside of school. He was awkward and it kept coming off like he was asking me out. (I said no, BTW).
October 8, 2012 The first time I put purple streaks in my hair...
4th grade girl: I know who you are. You're Katy Perry. You have purple hair, you're 27, and you're from America.
October 4, 2012 Apparently if I were married, he'd take my name...
Several Students: What about Mr. Señorita Black? What does he do for a living? Where is he?
Me: There is no Mr. Señorita Black.
October 4, 2012 While collecting folders with a few moments to go in a fourth grade class, a boy got up and grabbed my arm...
Boy: I think it's time for you to go.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Boy: Why does this American flag say "made in china" on it? Shouldn't the American flag be made in America? What's up with that?
Me: Irony. That's called irony.
How could I forget another kindergarten dismissal interaction?!
Boy: Kikikakikaki boyfriend!
Boy: Your boyfriend has never said anything.
Me: Yes he has. He's never met you, but if he did he would say something to you.
After school, one fourth grade girl told the computer teacher that he ain't got swag...
Me: What about me?
Girl: You got swag.
Me: Sweet. I had a student two years ago who said that I didn't have swag. He told me that I didn't even know what swag was.
I'm not 100% sure why our teachers have been doing videos of their classes dancing the Harlem Shake but I keep getting video clips via email and they're all awesome. I really wish I could upload the videos I have of students but that would violate a few rules. You'll have to take my word for it when I say that they're cute!
Monday, February 25, 2013
I obviously don't have any quotes from today, so I thought I'd throw in some more quotes from my days as a high school teacher. These are all from the 2010-2011 school year...
Girl: Miss Black, if my water breaks in your class can I use my cell phone to call my mom?
Me: If your water breaks in my class you can do whatever you want.
Boy: Miss Black, you're the 7th letter in the alphabet.
Boy: A B C D E F G...you're a G.
Boy: I'm a one man Spanish machine!
Me: Number four says "escribe dos cosas que supiste," which means to write two things that you found out. OK (reading students' answers from the board) "Yo supe que mi gato murió." Um, that's really sad! Who wrote that?
Boy: Why, what does it say?
Me: It says, I found out that my cat died.
Boy: Oh. I don't have a cat.
Me: Well, that does make it less sad.
Boy 1: I have swagga.
Boy 2: What's that?
Boy 1: It's like a rapper thing. And also a ladies' man thing.
Me: I'm too lazy for that.
Kid: And that's what makes you a great teacher.
Boy (commenting on another student in the class): Man, he always be talking to the girls. He think he Dr. Phil or something?
Well that's it for today...anyone care to place bets on how many different students will ask what's wrong with my eye tomorrow?
Friday, February 22, 2013
August 15, 2012 First Grade
Kid: Why is your name Señorita Black?
Me: What do you mean?
Kid: Why is there a black word in it?
Me: Umm, because that's my last name.
August 20, 2012 Third Grade
Me: Who can raise their hand and tell me why it's a good idea to learn Spanish?
Kid: Because you might adopt a kid from Mexico.
Me: Umm, I suppose so. That's honestly the first time I've ever heard that answer.
August 21, 2012 Kindergarten
Girl: Miss Black, have you got something like medicine to help my finger? I been swinging on the swings and it's just a hurtin' real bad.
August 26, 2012 Fourth Grade
Boy: Aw, look! She got a tattoo on her wrist! She 19 and already gots a tattoo!
Me: Honey, I am so not 19.
August 27, 2012 First Grade
Girl: Do we have Spanish today?
Me: Nope, not today.
Girl: Oh, OK. Grass-lass! (I assume she was going for gracias)
August 29, 2012 Third Grade
Kid: Did you change the meaning of that?
Me: Me personally? No, I didn't write Spanish.
Kid: Who did?
Me: I have no idea. People a long time ago.
Kid: Probably the first people ever, like Jesus.
This is one I hear a lot...
Student: Hey, you're my favorite Spanish teacher.
Me: Well I should hope so; I'm your only Spanish teacher.
I was introducing "Rana" (the weather frog) to a first grade class today. After we decide what the weather is like, we decide what Rana should wear for the day. We were going through all of his clothes and deciding on the best outfit...
Girl: Is he from our Sapo Song?
Me: Well, a sapo is a toad. He's like sapo a little bit, but he's a frog.
Girl: Is he a boy or girl?
Me: He's a boy.
Boy: Those look like girl shoes!
Girl: Why would you say that to him? That's mean! He is the very nicest frog!
Boy: Miss Señtorita Black, is he going to help us learn?
Me: He did just help you learn. He's helping you learn clothes.
Girl: Does he ever get sad?
Me: Well, I've never seen him get sad. But I'm sure he can get sad.
Girl: What makes him sad?
Me: When classes don't behave and follow the rules. Some people are not listening right now and that is making him sad.
Girl: But he's not crying.
Teacher's Assistant: Not yet.
Me: He gets sad in his heart.
Boy: Wanna know why there's no ice?
Boy: Because I broke it all off the car and ate it.
Girl: Eww. Also, don't eat yellow snow. Because it could be dog pee.
Fifth grade proves I'm the best around...
Boy 1: Miss Black is the coolest Spanish teacher I know because she knows what memes are.
Me: That's right!
Boy 2: You only know her and the Spanish teacher from last year so she can't be the best.
Me: Yes I can! He knows 2 Spanish teachers therefore I can be the best.
Another episode of kindergarten dismissal...
Girl: I figured out what grade my cousin is in. First grade.
Me: I thought you said she was in middle school.
Girl: She is.
Me: So you mean sixth grade. And she's still tall?
Girl: Yea. Eight pounds.
Me: Wait, yesterday she was nine pounds tall!
Girl: Actually it's ten pounds.
Boy: This is ballet.
Me: I didn't know you could do ballet!
Boy: I just knowed it.
A student raises her hand for help...
Student 1: What's the word for, when you have done something wrong and you feel bad about it?
Student 2 (sits behind Student 1): Guilty?
Student 1: Yeah, that's it!
Student one returns to writing and my friend looks at Student 2...
Me: How did you know what she was talking about?
Student 2: I guessed. I learned that word on Hoarders. This woman's son had died and she felt really guilty so she started collecting trash. Shew, her house was dirty!
Me: Well at least you're learning vocabulary.
I arrived at school one day and it was snowing outside, but the ground was way too warm for it to stick so the roads were just wet...
Student: Are we going to get out early?
Me: No, I don't think so. It's not sticking to the road at all, it's just wet everywhere.
Student: Well, those conditions sound hazardous.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Me: Thank you, it's vanilla.
Boy: You smell like vanilla...hahahahahaha your boyfriend has armpits! I don't like 'em!
Me: You don't like armpits?
Boy: No I don't like him.
Me: Oh, well I do.
Fourth and Fifth graders wait for no one...
Me: You can't go out [for dismissal yet], you need to wait here for just a minute.
Kids: Awwww! What? (other ridiculous reactions)
Me: Get in a line, now! You are in fourth and fifth grade--you know how to make a line.
Kids: What do you mean wait? I can't wait! I don't have time! I have to get home ASAP!
Inside my head: What, you got a meeting to get to? A job? Lots of appointments? I'm pretty sure you're 10.
And just for kicks, one of my best friends is a speech pathologist at several other elementary schools in the district. Her stories are always high quality! Here's a text I got from her today:
Her: So...one of my kindergarteners told his special ed teacher that he saw me at the strip club last night?!! What?? I think that takes the cake...don't you?? LOL
Me: OMG!! Were you a patron or an employee? LOL
Her: I'm thinking he's telling people I'm an employee!! LOL. So many people stopped me and just laugh about it.
Her: Lori said, "hmmm...now I know how you afford that nice apartment!" LOL
Me: Not to mention all the nice clothes. At least everyone assumes that were you to start stripping, you'd make lots of money.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Me: Eel is anguila.
Boy 1: There's a song called that. Duh da duh da duh da duh...anguila!
Me: Actually that's tequila.
Boy 1: Oh...
Boy 2: That's my mom's name.
More relationship talk with a kindergartener...
Boy: Your boyfriend has doody! Does he have this (pointing near his arm)
Me: What? A backpack? (No) A jacket? (No) An arm? (No) I have no idea what you mean!
Boy: This, right here! I want you to say it!
Me: An armpit?
Me: Well yes, he has 2. Just like we all do.
Boy: I can't get ahold of myself!
Height v. Weight...
Me: So is your cousin still 8 pounds tall?
Girl: Yea. Actually no. She's 9 pounds now.
Me: 9 pounds, really? That's a whole extra pound, in one day?!
I started teaching at Lafayette High School in January 2010 after another teacher decided to quit mid-year.
The very first class I ever taught:
Me: (roll call) Is So-and-So here?
Boy: Yea, you can call me Jesus.*
*Obviously his name is not remotely close to Jesus. This kid is hilarious and in future years we would bond over a shared appreciation for things like The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.
A few gems from the rest of the semester...
Kid 1: How do you spell gonorrhea?
Kid 2: Don't worry, you'll get it some day and then you'll know.
Me: I have no idea. Gonorrhea isn't really my area of expertise.
Freshman Girl: Miss Black, why can't football players have intercourse before a game?
Me: Umm, I have not idea. I didn't know they couldn't. Maybe it makes them tired? Did you seriously raise your hand and have me come over to answer that question? Why would I know?
Girl: I don't know. I thought maybe you date a football player.
Me: Where's your sister?
Boy: She's sick. She puked.
Me: Oh that's too bad. Tell her to feel better.
Boy: I was sick. I puked 15 times in one week.
Me: Wow, that's a lot.
Boy: I said 15.
Me: I know. I said wow.
February 19, 2013 A gift from a second grade boy...
Boy: Miss Black, I got you something for Valentine's Day!
Me: You did? Oh wow!
Boy: Here (hands me a small box). It's tattoos! (Sure enough it is a box with 4 temporary tattoos)
February 19, 2013 Always a fun time waiting with my kindergarten back door walkers at the end of the day...
Girl: My cousin is tall.
Me: Really? How tall is she?
Girl: About eight pounds.
Me: Eight pounds? That sounds tall.
Boy: How's your booooyfrieeeend?
Me: He's good. We went to a nice dinner on Friday for Valentine's Day.
Boy: I didn't like it! And I'm still jealous.
Girl: What did you have?
Me: I had steak and it was really good.
Girl: Oh, I've had that.
Art Teacher: Guess who's going to be helping out in art class when you're in there?
Art Teacher: Your sister.
Girl: Oh, I know her!
Me: I should hope so.
October 1, 2012 Apparently I can never take off my glasses. I removed them to adjust my headband and here were some second grade responses...
- Whoa, you look weird without your glasses.
- Yea...you don't look like you.
- Put them back on; it's better that way.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Needless to say, I was nervous about Valentine's Day. I decided that I had to fight fire with fire and that the only way to handle them was to match my sugar intake to theirs. I've had a lot of sugar today...and now I'm ready to crash.
Serious accusations in the fifth grade...
Boy 1: Miss Black, he's being racist!
Boy 2: It's true! We all know that (insert Boy 1's name) is a wild animal!
Boy 1: I take all (insert Boy 1's name) jokes as racist.
A third grade student's solution when two classmates are arguing during a game...
Boy: They need to go on Judge Judy. They gots problems. So go on, call her.
Me: Well, I don't have her number.
Holiday confusion in the second grade...
Girl: Mewwy Chwismas Miss Senorita Black!
Me: Merry Christmas? Not quite...
Girl: Happy Valentine's Day!
I would freak out if I saw a puppy! -Kindergarten Girl
Apparently, halitosis and dilemma were both vocabulary words for the fourth grade at one point...
*A fourth grade teacher walks back into her room carrying a toothbrush and toothpaste*
Boy 1: Did you just brush your teeth?
Her: I did, I had bad breath.
Boy 1: Did you have halitosis?
Her: Yes, I had a dilemma and it was halitosis.
Boy 2: I have a halitosis and it's reading.
Me: Your halitosis is reading?
Boy 2: I mean my dilemma is reading.
December 14, 2012 Quite a day in the fourth grade...
Boy (Jay-Z): One of your arms looks skinnier than the other.
Me: Well, that's because it probably is a tiny bit skinnier.
Boy: And right here (vigorously shakes my upper arm) is very jiggly.
Me: I know. Could you maybe stop shaking it?
Me: Remember, your parents have to help you put the candles in your luminaria bags. I don't want to see your house on the news because your Spanish project started a fire.
Girl: I burnt down a trailer once. From smoking.
October 22, 2012
5th Grader: Miss Black, I'm done with my crossword puzzle.
Him: Is that like hot sauce?
Me: Yea, except it's more awesome.
Things that kindergarteners consider to be really good offerings to put on a Day of the Dead altar...
- Spooky things
- Root beer (the same kid said this at least three times)
- Something with the dead person's favorite letter
- Counting beans
- Favorite picture frame (no mention of the picture, just the frame)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The truth comes out with a kindergarten boy...
Him: How's it doing with your boyfriend? (Please note that the word boyfriend has about 18 o's when he says it)
Him: No it's not.
Girl: Why do you do that? Just quit.
Him: Maybe it's just that I'm jealous. I'm jealous of him.
Me: Well maybe he's jealous of you because you get to see me every day.
A kindergarten girl impersonates Joey Tribbiani?...
Kindergarten Girl: Miss Black, how you doin'?
More shirt discussions with my 5 year old fashion boy...
Me: I realized I forgot to see your new Darth Vader shirt yesterday!
Him: Don't worry, I got another one at the store today. It's a Storm Trooper.
Me: And I have you in class today so I'll get to see it!
Born this way...
Kindergarten Girl: My mom says I was born for Spanish.
February 11, 2013 Another fantastic run-in with a fourth grade boy I like to call Jay-Z; I should preface this with the fact that he came up and started rubbing the back of my arms. This was concerning as he has previously pointed out which arm is thinner than the other...
Him: Your arms are cold...hey guys, come feel her arms! They're so cold!
February 12, 2013 Second grade boys discuss the lottery...
Boy 1: The lottery wastes money. You spend more than you could win.
Boy 2: No, it's been around since the 80's and it goes up one million dollars every year.
Boy 3: It's been around since like 1975.
Boy 1: It's still a waste of money.
February 13, 2013 All sorts of interesting things, from a variety of grades...
- I got my shirt on that says "The Wookie ate my homework"!
- Miss Black, I'm so much sorry!
- I love Valentine's Day! It's my favorite love day.
- Violets are red, roses are blue, your feet stink! (Insert cackling laughter)
- Tell me who your girlfriend is, So-and-So. I can keep a secret. Wait, actually no I can't because I have a big mouth.
- You know how those candy hearts say "Kiss Me"? How do you say kiss me in Spanish?
- My stomach hurts. It always hurts when I'm scared. (I asked what she was scared of) Zombies.
- Miss Black, So-and-So says that God isn't his best, best, best, best, best, best friend!
- He's not my best, best, best, best, best friend because I've never even met him.
- Have I ever told you that you sound like my mom? (Yes). I wish you were my mom.
- Miss Black, look! It's charac...character...characteristics, however you say it, of Miss Black. Happy, nice, love, peace, cool, girls rule.
- Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy ate a pear, Fuzzy Wuzzy died.
- Someone ruined my life. They stole my lead pencil.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
A first grader comments on my headband which is red with large white polka dots...
Him: It looks like you have horse teeth on your head.
November 16, 2012 I'm thankful for...
The kids were decorating pictures of Thanksgivingy things and writing one Spanish sentence about what they are thankful for and one first grade girl wrote that she was thankful for Señorita Black. Adorable!
November 16, 2012 Nicknames from the third grade...
3rd Grade Girl: Is Ms. Peanut coming today, Cucumber?
Her: Oh, we made up code names for the teachers and that's what we call the guidance counselor. Yours is cucumber.
Her: I don't know. Do you want to pick your own code name?
Me: Nope. Just curious where cucumber came from.
October 3, 2012 One of my favorite responses came from a first grade boy when I asked him if he was feeling better because he'd been out sick all week...
Him: I still don't feel good. And guess what? I can still cough. On Monday I threw up and let me tell you what it looked like. It looked like smashed chicken pot pie and orange juice. And one time my dad got a ticket and he wasn't even going fast and guess how much he had to pay? $300! And he wasn't even going fast! He was going to South Carolina where my cousin lives. And hey, did you listen to NPR today? Please say you did.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
February 5, 2013 Sometimes a kindergarten girl and I discuss her various pets. I should mention that she often pronounces the letter r like a w which makes this even cuter...
Girl: My cousin is coming to stay with us and she knitted me a hat with a pom pom on it.
Me: That's cool! Does she like IO (family dog)?
Girl: Yes. She doesn't like our pig.
Me: Oh no! What's his name again?
Me: That's right. Brutus the Pig.
Girl: Just Brutus; not Brutus the Pig. He's not a superhero.
February 6, 2013 A random assortment throughout the day...
- You're a good teacher. -First Grade Boy (awwww)
- I always want to be by Miss Black! -Kindergarten Girl (awww, again)
- Oh no, my backpack is breaking my bones. Ahhhh! -Fourth Grade Boy
Me: Remember to sit next to someone who's going to help you make good choices.
Girl (grabs my arm): I know, that's you!
Me: Me? I help you make good choices? Well, good.
Relationship discussions with kindergarteners...
Boy: You don't have a child!
Me: Nope, I don't have any children. But I'm not married yet.
Boy: You don't have a husband?!
Boy: You don't have a boyfriend either!
Me: Yes I do!
Girl (in a dreamy voice): And some day you'll marry him...
Boy: No you don't. You don't even have a picture of him.
Me: Bam! (Showing him a picture on my iPhone)
Monday, February 4, 2013
Telling a Fourth Grade boy to get to work...
Actually, so-and-so tooted and it really smelled bad. I think it like blocked my oxygen hole.
I've been meaning to post a link to this story for awhile. Don't let your fear of children get in the way of your dream of being a teacher.