Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentime's Day (as they say)

Holidays can be crazy in elementary schools. Kids are jacked up on sugar and all excited about their class parties and whatnot. I remember when I had a class of first graders right after their Christmas party; it was like dealing with a bunch of mean, angry drunks! If there had been bottles in the room, they would've broken them on the tables and lunged at each other.

Needless to say, I was nervous about Valentine's Day. I decided that I had to fight fire with fire and that the only way to handle them was to match my sugar intake to theirs. I've had a lot of sugar today...and now I'm ready to crash.

Serious accusations in the fifth grade...

Boy 1: Miss Black, he's being racist!
Boy 2: It's true! We all know that (insert Boy 1's name) is a wild animal!
Boy 1: I take all (insert Boy 1's name) jokes as racist.

A third grade student's solution when two classmates are arguing during a game...

Boy: They need to go on Judge Judy. They gots problems. So go on, call her.
Me: Well, I don't have her number.

Holiday confusion in the second grade...

Girl: Mewwy Chwismas Miss Senorita Black!
Me: Merry Christmas? Not quite...
Girl: Happy Valentine's Day!

I would freak out if I saw a puppy! -Kindergarten Girl

Apparently, halitosis and dilemma were both vocabulary words for the fourth grade at one point...

*A fourth grade teacher walks back into her room carrying a toothbrush and toothpaste*
Boy 1: Did you just brush your teeth?
Her: I did, I had bad breath.
Boy 1: Did you have halitosis?
Her: Yes, I had a dilemma and it was halitosis.
Boy 2: I have a halitosis and it's reading.
Me: Your halitosis is reading?
Boy 2: I mean my dilemma is reading.

December 14, 2012     Quite a day in the fourth grade...

Boy (Jay-Z): One of your arms looks skinnier than the other.
Me: Well, that's because it probably is a tiny bit skinnier.
Boy: And right here (vigorously shakes my upper arm) is very jiggly.
Me: I know. Could you maybe stop shaking it?

Me: Remember, your parents have to help you put the candles in your luminaria bags. I don't want to see your house on the news because your Spanish project started a fire.
Girl: I burnt down a trailer once. From smoking.

October 22, 2012

5th Grader: Miss Black, I'm done with my crossword puzzle.
Me: Awesomesauce.
Him: What?
Me: Awesomesauce.
Him: Is that like hot sauce?
Me: Yea, except it's more awesome.

Things that kindergarteners consider to be really good offerings to put on a Day of the Dead altar...
  • Diamonds
  • Cat
  • Balloons
  • Ghost
  • Spooky things
  • Root beer (the same kid said this at least three times)
  • Something with the dead person's favorite letter
  • Counting beans
  • Favorite picture frame (no mention of the picture, just the frame)

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