Friday, May 31, 2013

The 2010-2011 School Year

Before I get into my high school quotes I should say that I saw some of my [elementary] students at the dentist yesterday. They seemed to be in shock that I was at their dentist until their mom explained to them, "Teachers go to the dentist, too."

On to the wisdom of high schoolers. I'm fairly certain that all of these quotes are from the 2010-2011 school year (my first full year of teaching).

Me: I can't hear. I'm old.
Kid: What? You're not old. Don't give me that. You still have a kid face.

Kid: Miss Black, you cold? You need to take that jacket off the hook like a telephone.

Kid: Hey Miss Black, do you remember music from the late 90s?
Me: Yea, why?
Kid: Man, I just miss that stuff.
Me: Me too.

Kid 1: Aw man, Miss Black I forgot my homework. And I did it, too!
Kid 2: Her baby ate it.

Graduating Senior: Miss Black, you've been a great teacher and I think you've got a great career ahead of you. And no offense, but I think how short you are helps students feel more comfortable and relate to you.
Me: Because they think they're more powerful than me?

Kid: We should take a field trip to Mexico!
Me: Why would I want to travel to a foreign country with you people?
Kid: We should take a field trip to Taco Bell!

Kid: I need you to come to work with me and tell me if the Mexicans are talking about me.

Kid: What does ________ mean? Some girl in the bathroom just called me that.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Anderson and Andrew

Some of my high school students graduated today. Obviously I didn't go to the graduation because that's the type of thing you go to only if someone makes you. It has got me reminiscing about my high schoolers...

One of my students who graduated today is named Anderson. I've written about Anderson before since on my first day of teaching he told me I could just call him Jesus. It's not hard to believe that Anderson had more hilarious quotes. Sadly, I don't have them all written down. I would often write them on my Quote of the Day board. I remember there was one about seeing an Edward doll from Twilight and saying, "oh yea, this is going on the mantle." We'd also frequently quote The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia and really confuse everyone else in the class.

I live in Mountain Time because I'm a billy goat. -Anderson

When I had Anderson for Spanish 2, there was a freshman named Andrew in the class. And while Anderson put thought into his statements, Andrew was known for saying unintentionally hilarious things in my class.

One day, we were playing a Jeopardy review game for a test on clothing. One of the categories displayed pictures of clothing and then the students had to say that item in Spanish. Here's what happened when a picture of a bathing suit appeared...

Andrew: BAÑO!

Me: No.

Other Student: Traje de baño.

Me: Yes! Good job!


Me: Noo...he said "bathing suit". You said "bathroom".

Andrew: Same thing!

Later in the game...

Andrew: That's not fair! He didn't say "el" and you gave him the point. You didn't do that for me.

Me: You were missing multiple words.

Andrew was also good at conversation starters...

Andrew: Miss Black, did you know that Bear Grylls once found a camel in the desert and he cut it open, took out his guts, and slept in it?!

Me: Well, that's what you gotta do. It's from Star Wars.

Other Student: Oh yea, the Wookie.

Me: Do you mean Tauntaun? Because that was not a Wookie on the ice planet Hoth. That's right, I know all those things.

Eventually we began to notice that sometimes, Andrew couldn't remember English words...

Me: Take a look at this picture [of a broom], what does barrer mean?


Me: Or sweeping? OK, how about this one [picture of a mop]? This is what you do after brooming.

Class: Mopping!

A few days later...

Me: What is this question asking?

Class: What room is on the first floor of the house?

Andrew: Oh! The...umm...WASHING STATION!

Me: a) Do you mean laundry room? b) That's not an option. c) I like the words you use.

A few more days later...

Andrew: Man, that's a mess. You'd have to do a lot of brooming to clean that up.

Andrew doesn't know what a fifth is...

Andrew: Miss Black! Have you seen this video on YouTube? This guy will eat anything. (He then listed off a bunch of things this guy will eat.)

Me: That's pretty gross.

Andrew: This one time, he drank a whole bottle of vodka in like, 30 seconds!

Me: A fifth?

Andrew: NO! The whole bottle!

Me: That's what it's called. A fifth is a whole bottle. I'm glad you don't know that.

Andrew and sweet tea...

Andrew: Sweet tea is terrible. Like, if Hitler is here...sweet tea is here. That's how much I hate Hitler. I mean sweet tea.

Andrew and death...

Andrew: You know what would be the best and worst way to die? From pulling the pin out of a grenade and then accidentally swallowing it.

Me: Does that happen a lot? People can't decide between throwing and eating grenades?

Andrew was balancing his desk on his knees...

Andrew: Guys, look how high my desk is. This is like a giant's desk. I bet Goliath could've sat here, back in the day.

End of the Year

Yesterday was the last day of school. It's been a whirlwind this last week or so. I can't believe I've already finished my first year teaching elementary school. This last week has been full of things like the talent show, fun days, 5th grade graduation, and much more!

Yesterday we had all the kids come to the library and watch movies during their special area classes. A kindergarten boy asked me what we were going to do and I said that we'd be teaching them all the things they need to know for first grade. About 45 minutes into Cars he looks at me and says, "Hey, this isn't about first grade!"

I also discovered that someone once heard a kindergartener describing me to his guardian. Apparently he said that he couldn't remember my name but that I was just like Dora.

At the end of the day, I had one final interaction with M as a kindergartener...

M: You have to hug me because I'm almost in first grade. I'm scare of first grade.

My plan is to keep the posts coming during the summer (using quotes from my high school students), so stay tuned!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

May 15, 2013

This one came up a few days ago and I can't remember if it was in a kindergarten or first grade class...

Boy: How would you say it in human language?
Me: Human language? You mean English?
Boy: Yea.

Jay-Z (4th grade) was describing a  Transformers video game today...

JZ: The thing about Decepticon Leapers is that you have to engage them. If you're thinking like an engagement ring, you're wrong. It means you shoot them.

While I'm at it, I'll just throw in this JZ classic because I can't remember if I've used it before...

JZ: Actually, Andrew tooted and it really smelled. I think it blocked my oxygen hole.

Working on menus in a third grade class...

Me: We need some desserts. What kinds of desserts will you have in your restaurant? How about ice cream?
Boy: No...people will eat cat food.
Me: Cat food? OK. How about cake?
Boy: Yea.
Me: Cookies?
Boy: Yea.
Me: Alright, just one more.
Boy: Shoe.
Me: Well, that will go nicely with the cat food I guess. What are you going to name your restaurant?
Boy: Onions.

Working on menus in a fourth grade class...

Girl: Miss Black, can you draw a bearded dragon?
Me: Not at all.
Boy: She's the Spanish teacher. She only know how to draw Spanish stuff.

Boy 1: How do you say, "We do birthdays here," in Spanish?

Dismissal time with kindergarteners...

M: You know what? Girls are divas.
Me: I bet you could be a diva, too.
M: I'm not a girl. I scream like a girl, but I'm not one.
Me: Well, if you were a girl you'd be a diva. You're a bit high maintenance.

Me: Girl, I need to sit down. My feet are tired.
Girl: I can stand for 100 days.
Me: 100 days? That seems like a really long time to stand.
Girl: I have a llama clock.
Me: A llama clock? What's that?
Girl: No, a larm clock.
Me: Oh, an alarm clock.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

May 14, 2013

Weather report from a third grader...

Girl: Miss Señorita Black, in case you're wondering why I'm wearing shorts it's because the high today is 79.
Me: Well thanks for letting me know. I was wondering.

Designing menus in fourth grade...

Boy 1: I made everything in my restaurant free.
Boy 2: Can I have bacon?
Boy 1: It only has donuts.
Boy 2: RAGE!
This reminds me of my high school teaching days...

May 13, 2013

A first grade boy and his kindergarten were getting out of the car this morning...

Boy: Miss Black, I got to eat bacon in the car!
Me: Umm, awesome!

In grades 3-5 we are designing menus for our own restaurants to practice food vocabulary. Fourth grade had some interesting choices...

Me: What kind of restaurant are you making?
Boy: It's a cop restaurant. Only cops.
Me: That's cool. Your food is pretty expensive. You'll be rich if anyone can afford to come to your cop restaurant.
Boy: Yea! I'll be rich!
Me: Will you share some of your money with me?
Boy: Yea! Only if you can...say today's date.
Me: That's it? That's the stipulation? I think I can handle that.
Boy: Monday, May 12.
Me: It's actually Monday May 13, 2013. Now when you get rich, don't forget that I told you the date.

I'm finally finishing up food books with the kindergarteners. I think I've taken a photo of every single page this boy has done because they are so creative and hilarious!

This is his food page. I will explain the rice picture via the close-up below. The sandwich has a man stuck inside it. I think the spaghetti is fairly normal. Now the hamburger is actually a house made out of hamburger. My personal favorite has to be the group of eggs doing the Harlem Shake. I think the bread also has spiders with it. And the pizza is apparently at Pizza Hut with a random man. And the cheese has some sort of afro.

Here's the close-up of the rice. In my example drawing, there was a bowl of rice with chopsticks sticking out of it. So, this boy drew the same thing...sort of. There's a bowl (with arms and legs) and chopsticks. He decided to add his own caption that he explained to me as, "Chopee, chopee, chopsticks." Unfortunately, it actually says, "Chopee, chopee, cocksticks."

Thursday, May 9, 2013

May 9, 2013

Ribbit, ribbit! Look who was
chilling outside the building
this morning. Will he join the 4th
grade menagerie? Only time will tell.
The quotes got started right away this morning!

A brother (first grade) and his sister (kindergarten) were getting out of the car. I noticed the girl had some money in her hand...

Me: Oh, is that money for me?
Girl: No, it's for my lunch.
Me: Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. I'm pretty sure I told you to bring me some money.
Boy: There's a $100 bill at home. But you don't want that.
Me: Sure I do.
Boy: Well, OK.
Girl: I only have change.

Talking to a kindergarten girl who was absent yesterday, after her parents dropped her off in the morning...

Girl: Hi Miss Black!
Me: Hey! Where were you?
Girl: Uhh, in the car. (If it had been 1994 she would've added "duh" to her sentence)

A fourth grade boy still hates testing...

Teacher: Good morning, so-and-so. Have a good day.
Boy: NEVER!!

You say it's your birthday? A first grade girl got out of her car this morning and stood behind one of the teachers on morning duty...

Girl: Well, are you going to say anything to me today?'s my birthday.
Teacher: Oh, happy birthday.
(Did I mention that the teacher doesn't know this girl?)

Finishing up food books in kindergarten with a boy I'll call B...

B: Hey Miss Señorita Black, have you ever had a red hamburger with a red bun and red cheese?
Me: No I haven't. Have you?
B: Nope. Look what I wrote next to the rice.
Me: It says hot. Is it hot rice?
B: Yea. I'm going to make all the foods on this page hot. Have you ever green spaghetti?
Me: Can't say as I have. Have you?
B: Hey, me and pizza are the same!
Me: You're the same as pizza?
B: Yea, B is B in Spanish and pizza is pizza in Spanish!
Me: Well I guess you and pizza are the same!

Boy 1: Look at my sandwich. I drew it with the top piece of bread up like this.
Me: Oh, like someone is just finishing making the sandwich and they're putting the top piece of bread on it. What a great idea!
Boy 2: Hey, come here. Look, I drew my sandwich with shoe bread.
Me: Oh wow. I see how the bread looks like a shoe. I've never had shoe bread.
Boy 1: I have!

Check out this poster drawn by one of our first graders! He won the Kentucky Proud Poster and Essay Contest for his grade. The theme was, "Agriculture Grows My Community". I get to work with some talented kids (and teachers)!

May 8, 2013

A few kindergarteners telling me about their field trip to the Lexington Explorium (or Lexington Children's Museum as it was called in my day)...

Me: Did they have any costumes you could dress up in? I think they used to...
Girl: Yea! They had outfits for doctors and horse doctors.
M: There's no horse doctors!
Me: Yes there are. They're veterinarians.
M: You're not a vegetarian!
Me: Well no, I'm not. But we're talking about veterinarians...I'm not one of those either.

When asked to not forget to do something, here is one first grade boy's response...

Boy: Don't worry, I won't forget. I'll keep my mind.

State testing has begun today and some kids just aren't fans...

4th grade boy: I HATE TESTING!!
Me: Well, don't'll be over soon enough.
Boy: NOOOOOO!!!!

Fifth grade girl: Miss Black, your makeup looks really good.
Me: Well, every once in awhile I put forth some effort.

Here's an article that makes me glad I turned down that side job as a bikini model.

Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

Monday, May 6, 2013

May 6, 2013

For the most part, every single kid seemed to have lost their mind today. Needless to say, I wasn't finding much of what they said to be cute or hilarious. But there were a few moments...

Food in kindergarten...

Boy: Does anyone know what mustachio means?
Girl: I've had mustachios. They're good. Miss Señorita Black, have you ever had mustachios?
Me: I think you mean pistachios. With a p. And yes I have.
Girl: I like to eat mustachios.
Boy: Mustachio is mustache.

First grade restaurant...

Girl 1: We're making a restaurant, Miss Señorita Black.
Girl 2: I'm the manager!
Girl 1: This is the thing that tells you what food we have.
Boy: Menu.
Girl 1: Yea, the menu. What would you like?
Me: Hmm...I'll take some helado.
Girl 1: That's what you got last time.
Me: Well I love it.
Girl 1: What else?
Me: Jugo.
Girl 1: What kind?
Me: Naranja.
Girl 1: Orange. OK. Here you go. That'll be $7. You give me $2.
Girl 3: And you give me $7.
Me: OK, here you go.
Girl 3: Here's your change.
Me: Wow, I didn't realize I got change.
Girl 3: Yea, we're the best restaurant because we give everybody change.
Girl 2: And I'm the manager!
Me: Well you're doing a fine job.

Phone advice in the second grade...

Boy: You got an iPhone?
Me: Yea.
Boy: What brand is it?
Me: Umm, it's an iPhone 5.
Boy: Oh. iPhone 5s break easy.
Me: That's why I'm careful.
Boy: If you drop it, the screen will crack.
Me: That's why I have a case.
Boy: Ohhh, a case won't help you if you drop it.

Confessions of M...

M: One time I kissted my ice cream.
Me: What?
M: One time I kissted my ice cream.
Me: Well, OK then.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Elementary Art

One of the cutest things about elementary students is that they love to make and give you presents. I have so many drawings from kids, I decided to share them!

Up first, we have a few selections from the second grade. The [eerily accurate, other than my lack of hands] portrait was created by a girl and the note was written by a boy. The boy who did the drawing made sure to point out that there were flames on the top and on the bottom of his masterpiece.

Next we have some kindergarten drawings:

At Christmas time, we learned about Las Posadas and made luminarias out of paper bags. First up is a kindergarten boy working on his luminaria. The next two pictures are of the same bag made by a first grade girl. At first all you see is a speech bubble that says, "Hey, would you let me out please? I'm scared!" But when you fold down the flap there's an elf that says, "I love you!" I thought that was pretty clever. The last luminaria was also made by a first grade girl and she drew a fairly accurate depiction of Las Posadas in which people go around to houses and ask if there's any room for them.

On Valentine's Day, we colored Sweethearts with Spanish messages on them. These are some of my kindergartners working on that.

Friday, May 3, 2013

May 3, 2013

I experience a lot of things during morning car duty; parents in pajamas, messy & clean cars, gospel music at full volume, awkward encounters in which parents are yelling at kids, and the list goes on and on. Many times kids have just finished or are in the process of eating breakfast in the car. This morning was no exception when I opened the door for a kindergarten girl...

Girl (to mom): Save that waffle!
Mom: Sure.
Me: You want her to save your waffle?
Girl: Yea!

Now that we're done with our Cinco de Mayo lesson and maracas craft, we're finishing up our food books in my kindergarten, first, and second grade classes. I always enjoy having kids explain their pictures to me...
Feeling hot, hot, hot!

Kindergarten Boy: This is hot ketchup.
Me: Hot ketchup?
Boy: And this is fancy mustard, it's spicy. And this is fancy mayonnaise.
Me: I don't think I've ever seen fancy mayon
naise before.
Boy: They have them in fancy restaurants.
Me: I notice that you've labeled it as hot, too. Do you like hot things?
Boy: Ummm, no.

Whenever kids see me without my glasses, they tend to flip out. They think it indicates a disturbance in the force or something...

2nd Grade Boy: You look new without your glasses.
Me: I look new?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I've Fallen a Bit Behind

The past couple of days have been a little hectic so I've fallen behind in my quote posting.

Just in case you were curious about what
happened on Cinco de Mayo, here's a fifth
grade boy's interpretation of what I said.
Basically France invaded Mexico and the
French army was way bigger than the
Mexican army. But the Mexicans beat the
French on May 5, 1862.

April 30, 2013 & May 1, 2013

A morning greeting from a kindergarten girl who came running up to me, screaming...


Letting a first grade girl back into the building...

Girl: Hey Miss Señorita Black. I saw you and I knew you were the only one who knew me.
Me: You knew I was the only one who knew you? Well ok.

A fifth grade boy finds out I have a degree in international business...

Boy: So what if you got a job selling...chocolate. Internationally. Could you do it?
Me: I suppose so, but I would never do that.

While decorating maracas with first graders, some girls decided to draw flags on their maracas...

Girl 1: This is my own flag for my country. Because I might decide to start one in my room.
Me: Is that so?
Girl 2: I'm Mexican. So it's Mexico.
Me: You're going to take over Mexico?
Girl 2: Nah.
Girl 1: This is the flag for my country and if people are bad I shake it at them and I have a princess tent in my room and they go in there. And there's a sign on the door that says, "Kelsey's World".
Me: Oh, so it's an entire world now?

A fourth grade boy does not want to come to school...

Boy: I don't care, Grandpa! I don't want to go to school. Forget class. Forget the quiz. Forget the test. I'm going to fake sick.