November 4, 2013

It's certainly been a whirlwind lately! My classes for my principal cohort are winding down whereas the work for the projects in those classes is picking up. My mom was also out of town for about 10 days which [naturally] coincided with a super busy time for me. I've got what feels like a stockpile of quotes here!

Let's start things off with some gems from M. Specifically things I've overheard her say to other teachers...

-I've had a headache all year.
-Oh my gosh, the boss makes you write a lot! (Observing how much documentation our reading teacher has to do)
-I got to run in the road last night because my mamaw let the dog out and I ran around and around and my mamaw threw a bacon bit through my hand [yes, through] and he finally licked me. He had to go to the restroom.

And now a conversation I had with M...

Me: Are you dressing up for character dress up day, M?
M: Well, I have a mermaid costume but I'm pretty sure it's inappropriate. [Note: she did wear the costume and it was not inappropriate]

First grade has been serving up some quality quotes as of late...

-Guess what? I was born on my birthday.

-Do you want to know something really awesome, something awesomer, or both? You know all the stuff they have at Gatti Town? There's goo in a cup and it makes a fart noise. It's called fart goo and it's awesome.

-Guess what? I'm your bestest #1 fan ever because I love Spanish!

Me: Man J, my arms are tired.
J: Good. Me: You're glad my arms are tired?
J: You could work out.
Me: That's disgusting. Why would I want to do that?
J: I don't know, go home and take a nap.
Me: Good plan. Will you teach the rest of my classes?
J: No.
Me: Seriously? Come on. You speak Spanish. It's just second grade.

Whereas third grade typically says or does things that puzzle me...

Girl: My legs hurt.
Me: I'm sorry.
Girl: I went to Indiana.
Me: And that made your legs hurt?
Girl: I played softball there.
Me: Oh, that makes more sense. I thought Indiana just made people's legs hurt.

-I had to stop a third grade boy from serenading his class with Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines".

Girl: Trick-or-Treating is changed to tomorrow night.
Me: Really? I didn't know that. Probably because I'm too old to go.
Girl: Nope. You don't watch the news.
Me: Well, no I don't do that either.

Discussing Day of the Dead in kindergarten...

Girl: I don't celebrate Day of the Dead. It's not on my calendar.

A fifth grade boy makes an excellent point...

Boy: If you're a teacher do you guys get paid a lot of money?
Me: Ha! Noooo.
Boy: How do you not make a lot of money? If you work with kids, I mean?

A fourth grade boy (and son of a teacher) keeps it real in regards to what he'd do for me...

-I love you and I'd do anything to save you.

Boy: I love Miss Black and I'm going to marry her.
His mom: Well she's already got a pretty serious boyfriend.
Boy: I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

One thing about teaching is that kids love to tell you about their interests. The only problem is, they assume that you know all about them too. Nine times out of ten I have no idea what the hell they're talking about. But I just listen and nod because they're very enthusiastic and most of the time it ends up being perfect blog material. For example, this situation in fourth grade...

Boy 1: So there's these monsters and the girl monster is bigger than the boy monster. The boy monster is like this big and the girl monster is like this big. The boy monster eats pigeons and small owls and the girl monster eats cats.
Boy 2: Household cats. [Note: thank you for clearing up the fact that it's not feral cats, I was worried]
Boy 1: Yea, household cats. And when the girl monster is mad she can breathe fire. And they live--well, they don't live in the toilet but they can come up through the toilet to get you. They live in the sewer. Did I tell you that when the girl monster gets mad she can breathe fire?
Me: Yes, you did.
Boy 1: Well, when the boy monster gets mad he grows walrus tusks--except like, nice. [Note: so not crappy tusks] Me: So, are these in a book or something?
Boy 1: No. Real life.
Me: I had no idea.

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