Saturday, December 7, 2013

No Rest for the Weary

I'm happy to say that after I print a few more items, all of my work for this semester's principal certification classes will be done. Between that and doing my actual job, there hasn't been time for anything else in the past month. In no particular order, here are the quotes I've been stockpiling since my last post.

M: My mamaw took me to the dump and told me to tell the boss. My papaw let me go because he knows someone there, Larry Hall.

While coloring a Thanksgiving booklet all about being thankful with kindergarten I was reminding them about coloring things the right way...

Me: Do I want to see things like purple and blue faces?
Kids: NO!
Me: That's right. Your books should look like a real book would look like. That means we're going to take our time, color inside the lines and that all the pictures should look like they would in real life.
Boy 1: You shouldn't color their eyes red. Like they got hot sauce poured in their eyes.
Me: Um, no. You shouldn't. That would be unfortunate.
Boy 1: Tabasco sauce.
Boy 2: If you see someone with brown hair, you know they dyed it.
Me: Actually a lot of people have brown hair. Brown is a normal hair color.

First grade received the same instructions when coloring their booklets...

Boy: Look at my skin. Is my skin peach?
Me: Yes.
Boy: I'm going to color her skin peach. I'm going to color her like me.
M: I don't know why his skin isn't brown; he's been to the beach like 5 times.

Believe it or not, I assisted some fourth grade students with their science fair projects.

Girl: Hey Miss Black, do you wanna help with something? It's for me and Isaac's science fair project. We need you to taste something.
Me: Umm, OK...sure.
Girl: We're going to blindfold you and you have to guess which color Kool Aid you're drinking based on the taste. And we can practice our Spanish too because you can tell us the colors in Spanish. After you tell us the Spanish color, tell us the real color.
Me: Yea, I hate those "fake" Spanish colors. This one is amarillo. Aka yellow.
Girl: Alright, you don't have to tell us the human color on this one. I mean English color.
Me & Mrs. Abell: Human color?

Another taste test on another day...

Girl 1: Do you want to be blindfolded?
Me: Yes.
Girl 1: Are you sure? It'll be dark.
Me: Absolutely. I insist. (she puts the blindfold on)
Girl 2: Can you see?
Me: No.
Girl 2: Can you remember where your mouth is?
Me: Yea, I think I can manage that.
Mrs. Abell: I think that might be better than "human colors".

Another group attempted to explain the project that they wanted to do...

Boy 1: We want to mix 2 flavors of pop to taste test.
Mrs. Abell: But why?
Boy 2: We want to see if people can tell the 2 tastes better than dogs.
Me: Because your dog can just say, "Hey man, this tastes like grape soda mixed with Mountain Dew!" If that's the case, forget the science project because you've got a talking dog.

As you can see from the picture, I wore my hair in pigtails one day because I'm long overdue for a haircut but don't have an appointment until December 23. The pigtails were popular though...
  • 1st grade boy: Miss Black! Your hair is beautiful!
  • Kindergarten girl: I like your piggie tails!
Of course, AS and I have had our share of moments...

AS: Be careful, I have apples in my  backpack. It's heavy.

AS: After me and Alan go [ice] skating, then me and you go. But I don't know where you house is.
Me: Well I guess I'll have to tell you, won't I?

In fact, news of our ice skating date is spreading throughout kindergarten...

Kindergarten boy: Ain't you and him going skiing?

A fourth grade boy speaks the truth...

Boy: Long day, huh?
Me: Yea...it's 10 am.

One morning I was standing in the hallway, drinking a ginger ale and a first grade boy approached me...

Boy: Miss Black, is that new?
Me: What?
Boy: That can.
Me: Oh. Well, I just started drinking it. It does say new on it. Apparently it only has 10 calories...so yes, that's new.
Boy: Oh.

And then a kindergarten boy threatened me...

Boy: Gimme $2!
Me: I don't have $2.
Boy: I'm gonna steal you!
Me: You're going to steal me? I don't think you understand how this works.

A fifth grade boy would not stop singing...

Girl: Miss Black, he keeps singing Selena Gomez.
Me: Stop singing! This isn't music class.
Girl: Ahh!
Me: OMG! Selena Gomez!
Girl: No, now he's singing What Does the Fox Say
Me: I've had that stuck in my head all morning.
Boy: What does the fox say...
Me: Nooo! Stop. I'll make you walk your recess.
Boy: Wait. "What does Miss Black say? You will, you will walk your recess!"
Me: That's right.

M delivers an intriguing monologue...

M: My mom, she can cut Spanish stuff. You know those swirly things that hang on the ceiling? My mom cut one out in Spanish. And I saw a Day of the Dead blanket at Goodwill. I said, "Oh I'd better get that for Miss Black!" And my mom said, "Hmm. I don't know Miss Black."

A first grade boy gave me a present...

Boy: Here, this for you. It's an apple [seed]. It's not to eat. It's to bury.

Kindergarten Boy: Miss Black! I've been looking for you!
Me: Why?
Boy: For candy!
Me: What? I've never given you candy.

A surreal moment in fourth grade...

Boy: I think it was in the 80s or something.
Me: You think what was in the 80s?
Boy: 9/11.
Me: What? No. It was in 2001. I was born in the 80s.

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