February 27, 2014

I don't really have background info for this one, it's just something I overheard...

2nd Grade Boy: I have a baby niece and she needs to get her claws cut.
Then he looked at me (I was sitting at my desk) and said this...
Boy: Oh, now I know why your name is Miss Black--it's because your computer is black.
Me: That is absolutely why my name is Miss Black.
Teacher: And her t-shirt is black.
Boy: That was my second guess.
Teacher: And her hair is black.
Boy: Yea. Wait, no it's not.
Teacher: Do you know what color her hair is called?
Boy: Blonde.
Boy 2: Like my hair. Blonde is kind of see-through.

First grade finances (while we were learning about countries where they speak Spanish)...

Girl: People in countries where they speak Spanish are poor.
Me: Umm, no. Some people are poor and some people are rich, just like in our country.
Girl: Oh. I just thought my friend told me that.
Boy: You know what, Miss Black? If all the countries in the world put all their money together, I bet we could...buy...a new Titanic.
Me: I bet we could.

Update on my Hawaiian vacation with a kindergarten boy...
Boy: You know what? I tricked you. We aren't going to Hawaii.
Me: WHAT?! I don't know what to think anymore! I can't believe this! How could you do this to me?
Boy: Well, but we can go to...McDonald's. They have a button that if you press it, it lights up.
Me: Let me tell you something, mister. You are so lucky that sounds just as amazing as a trip to Hawaii.
Boy: It's because they tore it down.
Me: They tore down Hawaii? How did I not hear about that?!

Posted with Blogsy

Snow Day #11 + It's a Snake in a Box

That's right, I'm coming to you live from my couch on snow day #11. I was pretty pumped when I got the text this morning. I was tired and I really needed a day to get some extra stuff done. Not to mention the fact that there's been so much madness going on lately in our district about budget cuts ($20 million?!) and a lot of uncertainty about jobs for next year. It's had me pretty rattled to say the least. It's not that kids haven't been saying hilarious things it's just that posting them hasn't really been at the top of my list.

Anyway, big news. A kindergarten boy has invited me to go to Hawaii this summer, so regardless of what happens job-wise, I've got that going for me. AS is going too. They've also invited one of our custodians, but not another boy who is at back door dismissal. Sorry about the tough luck, other boy.

We were talking about our Hawaii trip at dismissal yesterday when Mrs. Abell walked by...

Me: We're going to Hawaii this summer. Can Mrs. Abell come, too?
Boy: OK.
Me: Can she bring her rabbit, Hazel?
Boy: No. There's no rabbits allowed.
Me: What about Puff the Bearded Dragon? He's a lizard.
Boy: Hmm...no.
Mrs. Abell: You're allowed to have them there, I know.
He gives her a skeptical look
Me: She's a science teacher, so she would know.
She walks away.
Boy: There's a sign in Hawaii that says, "No bunnies and no lizards"
Me: A sign? I did not know that. What about my dogs?
Boy: No dogs.
Me: So that's on the sign, too.

Another kindergarten boy approached me at dismissal the other day and he was somewhat upset...

Boy: How come we didn't have Chinese today?
Me: You never have Chinese.
Boy: I mean Spanish.
Me: Because those are the same. And you had Spanish yesterday.

The first grade boy who drew the Disco Ball Man for me to color came to see it yesterday...

Boy: You could draw some walls for him so him be in a living room.
Me: That's true, I could do that.

We're finishing up learning about different artists in the primary grades and I was collecting the Salvador Dalí inspired "dream drawings" one second grade class had been working on...

Me: OK, it's time to pack up. I'm going to come around and collect your Dalí Dream Drawings if I haven't already done so.
Girl: Mine wasn't from my dream.
Me: I'm not surprised. You didn't really work very hard on yours. (She usually does good work and I was a little frustrated with her).
Girl: My dreams are full of darkness.
Me: Well...that's creepy.

Showing some of my 5th grade Whovians my new T.A.R.D.I.S phone case I got for Valentine's Day...

Boy: Hey, Miss Black. If you met a Dalek, what do you think it would sound like?
Me: What do you mean? I think he would sound like...you know, a Dalek. (in a soft, robotic, Dalek voice) "Exterminate! Exterminate!" I'm not going to be really loud or anything.
Boy: Hmm. I think they would sound like the original Daleks from the 60s (in a slightly loud, slightly high-pitched, robotic Dalek voice) "We are the Daleks!"
Me: Well OK then.

Getting settled on the carpet in kindergarten...

Me: Everyone needs to have a seat, criss-cross applesauce, on the carpet.
Girl: Miss Black, I'm wearing pantyhose!
Me: I'm so glad you told me.

I'm not sure what second grade wants from me...

Girl: Do you have a Mr. Black?
Me: No.
Girl: So...you're single?
Me: Well, I have a boyfriend.
Girl: A boyfriend? EWWW!

Now this one is sure to take you back because I think we've all been in this situation ourselves...

Remember when you were in fourth grade and you found a snake that you just didn't know what to do with? Oh how you racked your brain for the best possible solution and then it hit you:

I'll put the snake in a pencil box and carry it to school in my backpack because my science teacher probably wants it!

And remember how the snake was in the pencil box on the teacher's desk when the Spanish teacher came in for her lesson and she couldn't believe the snake was alive until she saw it move and it reminded her of her own very odd encounter with a snake during her youth in which a tiny snake managed to come home from Christian Camp in her suitcase and lay in wait for her in her room and she thought it was a toy that her brother had put there to scare her and she almost picked it up but she didn't and then when she went to step around it it moved and she screamed and jumped on her bed and at first her dad didn't come up the stairs because he thought she was just overreacting to seeing a spider but then her brother went and got him and said, "There's a snake in Erin's room!" and he came up and said, "I'll be damned!" and trapped it in an empty peanut butter jar? (Yea, do you remember that?) And subsequently make her think of a match.com creeper who tried to holla at her prior to her meeting her boyfriend?

And who could forget watching the science teacher try to figure out exactly what to do with her surprise snake? It's no wonder this is truly a tale as old as time.

The moral of the story is: Just because your science teacher has a rabbit, a bearded dragon, and some fish does not mean that she wants a snake that you've caught [which as it turns out is apparently a hobby of yours]. As it turns out, your teacher planned to get the other class pets and doesn't appreciate surprise reptiles (no one does, FYI--except the match.com creeper).

Disco Balls...and Sponge Bob is the Sponge

This is the only picture I couldn't post yesterday because it wasn't done. One of my first grade boys (an absolute favorite, to be honest) gave me the drawing as you see it on the left.

Boy: This is for you. You can color it any color you want.
Me: You're sure you don't want to color it?
Boy: No, it's for you. You can color it any color.
Me: Thank you, I will!

That afternoon, coloring seemed like the most sensible thing for me to do. Later on, he was in the portable for math intervention so before he left I made sure he saw that I was working on his picture.

Me: See, I'm coloring the picture you gave me! I'm using lots of different colors.
Boy: Good! That's what I wanted you to do. I made it to look like a disco ball.
Reading teacher: How do you know what a disco ball looks like?
Boy: From Sponge Bob. Patrick has one.
Teacher: Which one is Patrick again?
Me: The starfish.
Boy: And Sponge Bob is the sponge.
Me: Yes, Sponge Bob is the sponge.

Live from Planet Unicorn

An example of Miro people from Deep Space Sparkle.

I've been having so much fun teaching my students about famous artists like Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali, and Joan Miro. They're really enjoying it, too! Kindergarten learned about Picasso and made Picasso-style self portraits. First and second grade both learned about Salvador Dali and made melting clocks. Second grade went on to draw their own surrealist dream drawings. First grade learned about Joan Miro and created Miro people.

I got the idea from this website www.deepspacesparkle.com. The site is run by an art teacher and she has some really cool ideas related to Spanish artists so I've been trying to use what I can. So for the Miro people we saw a PowerPoint about Miro and saw some of his artwork. I made my own example Miro person for the kids to see and they got started drawing.

You may recall the student who thought that Salvador Dali lived in her house and buried gold in her front yard. She's very artistic and did not disappoint on this assignment. The actual assignment was to just draw a person using lines and shapes; no background or anything else. She sort of went nuts on her paper, but listening to her explain it was worth it. Just know that in the description of the picture, you start in the center, go to the left and work your way around in a clockwise fashion.

Me: Wow. Tell me what you've got here.
Girl: This is the mom and she's making breakfast. It's pancakes. And there's a ghost coming up from the pancake.
Me: A ghost coming out of the pancake?
Girl: From the steam.
Me: Oh, ok.
Girl: And here's a picture of her and her husband when they got married. And then here's a picture of her husband. And this is her arm and her hand. Here's a string she's holding and this is their baby. This is their puppy who's jumping. Wait, I forgot their kitty! (Draws a cat) And here's the kitty. And this, is Salvador Dali.
Me: There's certainly a lot going on there.

And this is why I love this girl. It has been said that she is from Planet Unicorn because she is so imaginative and happy. It's almost intoxicating. It doesn't matter what's going on, she'll just start singing or laughing and she'll draw or say the most hilarious things because that's what life is like on Planet Unicorn. I'm planning to retire there.

February 17, 2014 [That's right, school on Presidents' Day]

This is me and a first grade girl named Lillie. Aren't our
matching dresses adorable?

Well folks, we just might be looking at our first five day week in quite some time. The last time the District went to school for a five day week was January 27-31, but I stayed home sick on that Friday. Technically my last five day week was January 13-17! It's been pretty crazy to tell you the truth. Nobody ever knows what day it is, the kids show up and it's like they've forgotten everything they've ever learned in their entire lives (both academic and behavioral). I still don't hate snow days, but I prefer them spread out a bit more. I'm going to try to put the quotes I remember, but I can't make any promises with as wacky as it's been.

Last week the fourth grade sold Valentine Grams for $1. If you bought one, you got a heart note and a sucker to send to anyone in the school (or take it home and give it to a parent or something). The first morning they were for sale, I was coming in from morning duty when I ran into M. She had quite a look on her face! I was going to tell her that I liked her outfit, but she cut me off.

M: Them's a piece of junk!
Me: What?

How did one first grade girl remember Salvador
Dali drawing flowers hatching from eggs?

M: I bought a Valentine Gram and they didn't give me nothing.
Me: Did you put your name on a paper or something? (She is in first grade after all, how do I know she didn't just hand $1 to a random kid and walk away?)
M: Yea. I bought one to take home and give to my aunt. I gave 'em $1 and they didn't give me no candy or nothing.
Me: Well, maybe it's something they bring to you later in the week. I think that's probably how it works.
M: (hesitant pause)...Oh...ok.

We've been learning about famous artists in my primary classes...

1st Grade Girl: How many melting clocks did Salvador Dali make?
1st Grade Boy: Probably 1,000.
Me: That seems like a good estimate.

Sometimes you hear something so strange, you have to cross the room to investigate...

1st Grade Girl: That's what I want to name my daughter.
Me: Did you just say "that's what I want to name my daughter"?
Girl: I didn't mean daughter. I meant dog.
Me: Good.

2nd Grade Boy: Miss Black, this guy is getting zapped into a rhinoceros. No, one of those animals where they say, "Ole" and they run.
Me: A bull?
Boy: Yea. A bull.

Small talk while waiting for the class to join us...

2nd Grade Boy: Hey Miss Black, guess what? So we were in Mrs. Schlarb's class and people were talking about Brayden having to leave and they said it was my fault and then I just started singing, "I came in like a wrecking ball..."
Me: Wait, what?
Boy: We were in Mrs. Schlarb's class and people were talking about Brayden having to leave and they said it was my fault and then I just started singing, "I came in like a wrecking ball..."
Me: I'm still not 100% sure what you're talking about but it's funny.

We illustrated legends from the Inca, Maya, and Aztec in the intermediate grades last week. I got some really good stuff, too!