While working with a fourth grade boy, he was so on fire in the hilarious comments department that I had to stop what we were doing in order to grab some paper and start jotting down what he said.
If I become a veterinarian and I'm up all night with a pregnant cow and horse problem, guess what I'll do? I'll just solve the problem and take a nap.
Him: Who's your kid?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Him: You should at least adopt one.
Me: Well, I plan on having kids but I'm not married.
Him: You should try getting married.
Me: It's important to date someone for awhile before you marry them.
Him: How about Mr. Johnson [a para-educator at the school]
Me: I don't know how my boyfriend would feel about me trying to marry Mr. Johnson.
Him: Well, maybe not Mr. Johnson. Sometimes he's kinda...ehh (does the "so-so" motion with his hand)
I wonder what it's like tearing the fabric of the universe...
Do eyes come out? What about a glass eye--does that come out?
I could go for a cheek massage. I wish we had massages in school and then I'd get a free massage.
Discussing appropriate behavior for class with kindergarteners...
Girl: I know what "don't talk back" means.
Me: OK, what does it mean?
Girl: Don't talk back means don't talk back and to not talk back. And then you won't talk back.
Me: Yep. That's pretty much it.
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