February 21, 2013

Kindergarten Boy: You smell good.
Me: Thank you, it's vanilla.
Boy: You smell like vanilla...hahahahahaha your boyfriend has armpits! I don't like 'em!
Me: You don't like armpits?
Boy: No I don't like him.
Me: Oh, well I do.

Fourth and Fifth graders wait for no one...

Me: You can't go out [for dismissal yet], you need to wait here for just a minute.
Kids: Awwww! What? (other ridiculous reactions)
Me: Get in a line, now! You are in fourth and fifth grade--you know how to make a line.
Kids: What do you mean wait? I can't wait! I don't have time! I have to get home ASAP!
Inside my head: What, you got a meeting to get to? A job? Lots of appointments? I'm pretty sure you're 10.

And just for kicks, one of my best friends is a speech pathologist at several other elementary schools in the district. Her stories are always high quality! Here's a text I got from her today:

Her: So...one of my kindergarteners told his special ed teacher that he saw me at the strip club last night?!! What?? I think that takes the cake...don't you?? LOL
Me: OMG!! Were you a patron or an employee? LOL
Her: I'm thinking he's telling people I'm an employee!! LOL. So many people stopped me and just laugh about it.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Her: Lori said, "hmmm...now I know how you afford that nice apartment!" LOL
Me: Not to mention all the nice clothes. At least everyone assumes that were you to start stripping, you'd make lots of money.