March 18, 2013

I'm not sure why but the quotes got crazier as the day went on!

Dressing up Rana in kindergarten...

Girl: Miss Black, do you like my outfit for Rana?
Me: Yes, I do!
Girl: I'm very fashionable.

Boy: Miss Black, look I drew funder (thunder)
Me: Oh wow, I see where you drew lightning.
Boy: Funder means, when you see funder you go back inside.

One of my favorite kids to talk with is a first grade boy who has the best non-sequiters I've ever heard in my entire life. I'm going to omit my responses because they were mostly things like "Mm-hmm" and "Oh, wow". Now, this is only PART of our conversation...

Boy: Miss Black, do you know what I figured out what I'm going to get you? What's your birthstone?
Me: Aquamarine.
Boy: I'm going to get you a birthstone. And you know what? I can probably get it for free because my friend is a jewelry designer and I can just have him design it for you. With diamonds. I just want to get that for you. Mine is garnet and I like October's birthstone because it's see-through. And I want to go to the Phillippines and Ecuador. I have history in Ecuador. And one day I'll just move and live in a whole different continent. You know where? England. And then I'll live in Scotland. My family is coming with me. You know what, I'm Scot-Irish. And guess how many girlfriends I've had in my whole life? Four. That's more than half my life. Some of them cheated on me. I'm going to get married when I'm 16. And once I'm married I promise I won't get divorced.
Me: Good luck with that. Can I be in the wedding? Can I be the preacher?
Boy: How about the flower girl?
Me: Awesome! I was a flower girl a few years ago, so I have experience!
Boy: Is there anything more important you'd like to be? And how about if you're married by then your husband can be the guy who carries the rings? I'm worried about my uncle, he lives on a bad street with lots of robbers and murders. And I want to see him except without my dad's dad because he's evil. And I know way too much about the Republic and this country's history and voting. I know too much about Democrats and Republicans. I would be with the Democrats, which one are you with?
Me: Democrats.
Boy: Good. Because I didn't vote for Mitt Romney. How old do you have to be to vote?
Me: 18.
Boy: What?! Really? What if you're married?
Me: It's still 18.
Boy: I know way too much martial arts.

Kindergarten Dismissal...

M: I'm acting like a girl because there's a muffin on my backpack.
Me: A muffin?
Girl 1: Muffin? Oh yea, he had a muffin.
M: How cute is your boyfriend?
Me: Very cute. Why are you acting crazy?
M: I have a switch on my backpack that makes me do it. Why are there always 3 girls and only 1 boy here?
Me: Because you're the only kindergarten boy who is a back door walker.
M: Are you kidding me?
Me: You know I never kid you, M. Girl 1, what are you doing to her?
Girl 2: She's buttoning my coat.
Me: Is she like your mom?
Girl 1: I am like her mom. I'm taking care of her (smoothing out her hair). I'm teaching her how to learn.